Excruciating pain at a turning point of our lives will make us stop blaming others. Until then, we will be empty.
Thinking back as far as I can pick out times when I refused to take the blame for things. I remember tantrums in my teenage years, but usually, it was because I didn’t get something I wanted. I think blaming others came later on during my early adulthood when I blamed my shortcomings on the way I was being treated.
Why are we prone to blaming others?
Yes, negative treatment will make you feel victimized, and you will blame others for your future misfortune, but at some point, you must take responsibility. But there are darker, more selfish reasons for blaming everything on others.
Let’s take a look at why we do this hurtful thing, shall we?
1. To attack others
As heartbreaking as it is, attacking others is a way of hurting them to avoid taking responsibility. When approached about something they’ve done, irresponsible people become defensive and lash out.
They don’t have to be a narcissistic person. They could just be afraid of the consequences of their bad behavior, and they’re looking for a way out of the mess. Placing blame on others and flipping the situation may have become a natural defense mechanism.
2. Truth found in narcissistic behavior
I know a man, who, when angry, claims to feel no remorse for his outbursts. You can see the lack of empathy when he yells and throws tantrums that I recognize from my children’s early years.
The first time I heard this outburst, I was taken aback – I was shocked by the pitch and tone of his bellows. Something shifted between us in that moment.
I’ve heard this very man call others narcissists, when in fact, he fit much of the characteristics of this toxic personality. The truth is, it wasn’t always his fault, he was raised to take no responsibility for his actions. He used blaming all others as the only way he could feel healthy self-esteem.
3. Why can’t we accept failures?
I want you to know that it’s okay to be imperfect, and it’s also okay to let the world know this. Failure is just a part of life, and being open and honest about your shortcomings is a step toward growth and strength. It’s a strength that no one can take away from you. It’s an inner honesty with who we really are.
When we cannot accept failure, we cannot accept that we are imperfect. Most people who do this have created a facade that they show others. If someone manages to get close enough to them and sees the truth, they will lash out.
This is because the perfection they display is being threatened to be revealed. This can be devastating to those who are stuck in blaming and shaming others.
4. It’s easy and it’s lazy
It’s so much easier to blame all others for your mistakes. After all, who wants to take the time for self-analysis? We don’t want the consequences that come with being caught in a shady situation or making a mistake when brushing it off with lies ends the conversation faster.
Most of the time, unfortunately, those who play the blame game learned this dynamic early in life, and use it all through adulthood.
They alienate partners and fail at long-term relationships. They are sometimes remarkably gifted at hiding this about themselves, sometimes as long as two years into the union, but after that, the mask starts to fall off revealing some of the most childish and heinous behavior you have ever seen.
5. There’s no moral compass
Usually, those who have the habit of blaming and criticizing others are doing so to have the freedom to act in any way they want. They cover up things, they lie, and they avoid any sort of confrontation at all costs.
If they are religious or spiritual, they love to attend worship services as long as love is the subject of teaching. But as soon, as self-discipline and accountability are introduced, they proclaim they are being controlled.
Morality, standards, dignity, and loyalty, among others, are things they purposely overlook. After all, these things will interfere in their agenda, as I stated before. So, they start to downgrade spiritual aspects in life, but they do not convict themselves for the things they need to fix in their lives.
As frightening as it may seem, the doctrine they once followed will change according to their selfish needs instead of doing the right thing.
Hope for individuals who blame their actions on others
While it’s not easy to change what’s learned between birth and 7 years of age, psychology states that these years are the most impressionable years of a person’s life. What they are taught frame how they will approach things during their later life. So, this means, blaming others has become a deep imprint.
To help those who always blame their failures on others, therapy, intervention, and accountability is a must. At home, be careful not to fall victim to fear when they grow furious. Don’t invade their space, but certainly stand your ground.
Remember, it’s okay to feel a little sad when we fail, but it’s not okay to pass the buck to another. Let’s strive to be better people.
Copyright © 2012-2019 Learning Mind. All rights reserved. For permission to reprint, contact us.