Unfortunately, we can sometimes fall into self-sabotaging behavior. There is more than one reason for that.

At the moment, I feel as if I am sabotaging my life. Just when I think everything is okay, another boulder rolls down the hill and flattens me again. But it’s not a real boulder, it just feels like one. You see, at that moment, I lose all desire for the things that used to make me happy. It’s like I’m waiting for the rocks to stop falling. It’s a possibility that will never happen in my present situation. So, I feel stuck, and thus, I am sabotaging my life in the process.

Toxic aspects of self-sabotaging behavior

Procrastination is part of my behavior. I will sit and binge watch television for hours so I don’t have to face the unfairness and disrespect in my life. Instead, I try to ignore it by losing myself in some fake story on the TV. And there are many other things I do, and others do that prove we are sabotaging our lives – we are wasting precious time by letting what others do govern the next move or the next goal. There are many signs that this is true.

Indicators that you are sabotaging your life

1. You’re choosing comfort over change

Maybe it was once a good situation, the life you’re living right now, but things have been revealed, and it’s no longer the life you thought. In fact, it’s almost unbearable. However, it must not be bad enough for you to change it. I heard this saying once, and don’t remember where, but it fits this perfectly.

Once there was a dog that was sitting on a long sharp nail. A man asked the dog’s owner why the dog didn’t get up off the nail. He said it must be painful for him. The owner said, “when it hurts bad enough, he will move”.

That’s what happens to us. Sometimes we refuse to change because we’re not hurting bad enough yet. Eventually, if things don’t get better, the pain will become too much to take. That’s when we may give up the self-sabotaging behavior and get off that nail that’s driving deep within. That’s when we may make a better life for ourselves.

2. Blame is never allocated correctly

When something happens, you tend to either blame yourself when it isn’t your fault and blame others when it is your fault. This might not be the case 100% of the time, but it’s most of the time. Your focus is on “who did it?” and not on “what can we do to fix it?”.

Self-sabotaging behavior not only affects your life, but it also affects other people as well. When children are involved, it’s just confusing for them. After all, you’re trying to teach them the correct way to take responsibility.

3. You always want to fix people

I’ve spent two decades of my life in relationships fixing men. Let me tell you, it’s exhausting and it has taken a huge portion of my youth. It’s as if those years just went poof! right in front of me. I’m not trying to be insulting to anyone, it’s just that, I should have laid out the rules about who I am and then left if my expectations weren’t met.

Did I do that? No. Instead, I thought I could help them, change them, improve their standards in life. That was just so silly, and it still is.

Trying to fix people is like trying to nail jello to the wall. It just doesn’t stick, it doesn’t stay, and it makes a huge mess. Also, when you’re busy trying to fix people, you lose so much time on the things that matter the most, like your children and unconditional people in your life.

4. You’re using others to compare

I work at this all the time. I don’t find it as difficult as being judgemental, actually. Maybe I am too busy judging people to be jealous of them. However, every once in a while, I see happy people and wish I was like that. I see them smiling on social media and hugging loved ones. The picture says that their lives are perfect, but I know that those images are not the full truth.

But every once in a while, I sabotage my feelings when seeing marriages, Valentine’s gifts, and people who seem to have lots in common. I compare those things to the differences in my life, and I catch myself wishing my family was closer. It’s like falling into a trap, and then destroying yourself while you’re in there. It can be ruthless.

5. You magnify the negative

You never fail to notice every single negative thing that happens, but the positive things slip right by so easily. To be fair, many times, the negative things are things that happen over and over no matter how many times you’ve asked for them to stop, or how many times you’ve worked on making it better.

This makes it incredibly hard to see the victories as wins. In response to this, you develop depression and anxiety trying to make things work. You don’t mean to do it, but you sabotage any hope you could have by moving forward.

6. Worrying about what others think

I don’t do this much, but when I do, I make sure I worry incessantly. I guess you might say, I only worry about the things that will affect me personally. No, I don’t worry about what people think of my style or my hobbies, but I do worry about the fact that people probably think I am mean.

I can thank the men trying to manipulate those thoughts in my head. I am introverted, and most of us really don’t care about what others think, but sometimes, we would like to be accepted the way we are, and we sabotage ourselves trying to be something we’re not.

Okay, so, how are we going to stop this?

Well, first of all, we all need some time alone to think. We need to figure out if the place we’re at is our true destination, or are we supposed to make a change. This knowledge may take some time. Like I said about the dog, when it hurts bad enough, you will get up, and get out of the situation.

We should never forget what makes us happy as individuals. This doesn’t include what makes our husbands or wives happy. This is about us and us alone.

We should also make sure to take full responsibility for our actions but refuse to take responsibility for what someone else has done. Don’t let anyone convince you that something they’ve done is your fault. That can be a form of gaslighting. And having a healthy amount of care about how people think of you is okay. It does matter, but not to the point that you have to conform to a dress code or majority standard.

And then remember to be positive once in a while. Even though someone may be driving you crazy with their idiocy, try to see the good in every single moment. If you can’t see good where you’re sitting, leave the room and find it somewhere else.

I hope this has helped you to stop sabotaging your life. As for me, I’m still working on it, and I’m telling you, when I get it worked out, I don’t plan on making these same mistakes. Let’s hope not.

Be blessed.

Sherrie Hurd, A.A.

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This Post Has 4 Comments

  1. Avatar
    David Hallowell

    All thoughts have power.
    All thoughts take us someplace.
    We are the sum total of our thoughts both good and bad.
    If we want to change our selves we must learn new thinking patterns which leads us to new conclusions in turn new belifs.

    When we develop a new belief system we develop a new personality.

    Anyway that’s my story and I’m sticking with it.
    Stands with a Roar…as in thunder.

    1. Sherrie Hurd
      Sherrie Hurd

      David,

      You’re right. Our entire self thrives off how we think. The entire world could hate us, and if we had the right thoughts about ourselves, we could still conquer it.

      1. Avatar
        David Hallowell

        To conquer ourselves or to not allow ourselves to be conquered?
        This may be just a question of semantics.
        Are we a force to be reckoned with our like the gentle summer breeze.

        Western thought seems to be one that conquers while eastern thought seems to be one thet will not be conquered.

        Are we like the mighty oak that stands against the storm or are we like he palm who bends to the winds?

        Are we the waves that batter the sea shores or we like the gentle tide that like our emotions that pass through us without a thought.

        So which are we? Which is best when it comes to conquering ourselves?

        We talked about conquering ourselves through our thoughs.

        But what if our belif system are all jacked up so that our thoughts are outside of what is beneficial to us and we do not have the insite to know our own end game?

        We all have a conscience that’s true
        but what if things that should bother us and correct us, do not bother us or that allow us to feel good about our destructive behavior.

        Like the depressed person who has convinced themself that he or she is no good and is unlovable.

        Following their thought patterns and beliefs will not allow them to conquer themselves.

        What do you think?

        What is the best approach to a good heathy mind set that leads us in the way we should walk.

        One that benefit ourselves and thoes around us.

  2. Avatar
    Eliza

    Awesome compilation!,I especially like the point that states “You always want to fix people’,I don’t think I have seen it in any self-sabotage article yet,which is funny because it rings so true for me.

    I didn’t know that trying to fix people was a form of self-sabotage but after I encountered 3 personalities or so,I realized that you can influence people to do something,only to a certain extent,and that extent is usually determined by how tempting/convincing the opposite of what you are advocating for is,to them.

    These days,I can tell the difference between people who actually have problems and are actively looking to solve them from people who are just fine with the problems in their lives and wouldn’t have it any other way.lolz

    The latter category of people tend to irk me to no end,and they fail to excite my sympathy or fear or any other emotion they want to bring out in me despite all their efforts to manipulate me,and they are shocked at how inflexible I seem,and they wonder how I got this way(I received immunity 4 life lolz) the only emotions they ignite are disgust and contempt,whereas the former category tend to inspire me and make me want to help them if I could,due to their own authenticity.

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