Psychological deflection is often considered a narcissistic abuse tactic. However, you might be using it too without even knowing.
Deflection, by definition, is a method of changing the course of an object, an emotion or thought from its original source. Psychological deflection is seen as a narcissistic abuse tactic used to control the mind and emotions of others.
Nevertheless, psychological deflection is not only a narcissistic tool but also a coping mechanism strategy. Individuals who use it seek to mask their own impulses by denying their mistakes and projecting them on the people around them.
Why Psychological Deflection Occurs
We have a natural tendency to be proud of our achievements and share our positive results with others. But when it comes to failure, we usually attribute it to the external factors: the system, the bank, the teacher, the school, the country, etc.
In addition, it is much easier to make a list of other people’s mistakes than to acknowledge our own. This is because our “Ego” develops a self-defense system that prevents us from admitting that we are wrong. Thus, it makes us feel less responsible for the consequences of our actions.
Consequently, this self-defense system has negative effects on the way we perceive the world we live in, including our own image. We will always believe that the causes of our mistakes will never be related to our behavior or actions. As such, the external environment is the one to blame.
We will also overanalyse the situation and the people around us to the point where our mind begins to project our flaws on to our surroundings. The most interesting aspect is that, under normal circumstances, we do not dislike or see other people’s flaws. But when the crisis occurs, the same people we once perceived as okay suddenly turn into the source of our misfortune.
Someone Is Always Guilty
Countless studies show that all groups (family, job, friends, etc.) have their own “guilty party“. It’s that one person that everyone blames even though it is not always her/his fault. Once someone becomes the guilty party, practically, the group will attribute all the failures of each member to that one specific person, in order to defend their infallible image.
Blaming is a psychological epidemic, a contagious move that can leave traces in the hearts of the people around us. The blamed person will collect the woes of all members of the group. They will end up to in the point where they will not know when they are wrong and when not. There will be chaos in their soul.
When we blame other people for our mistakes, we consciously or unconsciously use a self-esteem strategy. In other words, we use underestimation and accusations so we can increase our self-confidence, especially when we sense competition.
Psychological Deflection in Relationships: a Common Mistake
Blaming or diverting the accusations are the most frequent mistakes in relationships. Sometimes communication reaches a critical deterioration, which, in turn, generates other problems.
The general issues have to do with the ease with which we accuse the partner of all the problems of the relationship. We throw accusations to avoid taking responsibility. But the truth is that blame games don’t solve problems. The best way to avoid such situations is sincerity in speech, which, however, doesn’t lead to emotional distress.
Accept that we are not perfect beings. Look at your partner with acceptance and understanding that just like other people, s/he makes mistakes. If something bothers you, it is best to have an open and peaceful conversation where you both express your opinion. Also, keep in mind that people have the ability to learn.
Why Do We Use Psychological Deflection?
1. We blame others because we are afraid
People are quick to start arguments with others in order to defend themselves against their helplessness. It’s all because deep down in their hearts, they face an inner fear: fear of losing their jobs, fear of losing their partner, fear of change, etc. The reverse of this action is that with the desire to protect their ego, people who are accustomed to accusing others will lose everything: friendships, sympathy, opportunities or love of others.
2. We blame others because are immature
It is very important that people go through all stages of development and mature properly. Any trauma from the past can block our mental development at a particular stage. If a child has been emotionally abused or highly criticized for every mistake or action, they will use psychological deflection as a way to avoid punishment. They will apply this coping mechanism each time when challenges or personal failures occur.
3. We blame others because of our past experiences
Accepting that we are responsible for our actions and their consequences can come at a great emotional expense. Sometimes it is truly difficult to accept that we have been weak or unprepared to cope with issues. As a result, when we deal with new failures, we try to convince ourselves that we are not guilty. We tend to think that things have been out of our control and therefore, we blame the circumstances and not ourselves.
How to Stop Using Psychological Deflection: Be in Charge of Your Life
It takes two for tango.
It is true that multiple factors can influence the outcome of a situation and the results are not always in our control. Yet, that does not justify the lack of responsibility towards your own actions. If every aspect of your life can have an impact on you, you as well hold a tremendous power to make a change.
When you constantly live with the impression that your failures are a result of people’s incompetency or purely bad luck, you actually block your own growth. You close your mind and avoid learning from your mistakes.
Failures happen to everyone and they are meant to teach you something about yourself. They reveal your strengths and weaknesses; the skills you have and the ones you need to improve.
Instead of accusing people of your misfortunes, take a step back and evaluate your behavior. Try asking yourself the following questions:
- What did I do well?
- What could I do better next time?
- Did I do anything to allow or cause this unpleasant situation?
Once you are aware of your power to be in control of your life, your fears will disappear as you will no longer expect the world to save you.