Are you about to enter into a relationship with an INTJ personality type? Do you want to know the truth when it comes to INTJ dating?

Here’s everything you need to know about INTJ dating and relationships.

INTJ’s and relationships

When it comes to relationships, someone with the INTJ personality type tends to be straightforward, direct and to the point. They are logical and independent types. They tend to be calm and detached when they communicate with their loved ones. This is because, despite their profoundly caring nature, they find it hard to express their deepest emotions.

INTJ’s want a partner that will stimulate them intellectually, challenge them and inspire them to be better. They can suss out someone who is not genuine a mile off. You cannot manipulate them, they simply don’t want to get involved in mind games. They value honesty and a direct approach.

INTJ’s think deeply before trusting a potential partner. They won’t commit unless they are sure.

INTJ Dating Rules

If you want to date an INTJ, there are simple rules to follow if you want it to go well:

INTJ Dating Dos

  • Keep your promises
  • Always be direct
  • Always be honest
  • Always try to be calm around them
  • Respect their wishes
  • Listen to what they are saying
  • Be proactive in a practical sense
  • Let them have some ‘alone time

INTJ Dating Don’ts

  • Don’t use mind games
  • Don’t mess them around
  • Don’t make a habit of turning up late
  • Don’t try and get them to open up too early
  • Don’t ask them to socialize too much
  • Never lie to them
  • Don’t get angry with them

INTJ’s and Relationships

INTJ’s choose their partners with military precision. They will weigh up the pros and cons and make a decision. Typically they’ll have a list of desired qualities and a very clear idea about the type of relationship they want. They won’t settle for second best. They will not put up with an abusive partner, or a partner that doesn’t allow them to be independent.

INTJ’s want a solid relationship that will stand the test of time. They like to be married and take their vows very seriously.

Now, once in a relationship, an INTJ is fiercely loyal. They support their partner’s goals and encourage them to be the best they can be. In return, they expect the same.

Quite often you’ll find that to an INTJ, their perfect relationship allows them to swap roles with their partner so they can follow their intellectual goals. Their ideal partner will then swap back and they can then pursue their dreams. For instance, a husband could take on more work to allow his wife to study to become a teacher.

It is this deep level of supporting their partners that constitutes love in the INTJ’s eyes. They are not ones for PDA’s or unnecessary displays of affection. Their love revolves around encouraging and backing their loved ones. Kind of like ‘Us against the world’.

Relationships with an INTJ

It can be difficult dating an INTJ. Despite being extremely straightforward and direct, they can be incredibly difficult to reach on an emotional level. To an INTJ, talking about their deepest emotions almost feels distasteful and impolite. They prefer solving practical problems. Emotions are just too unpredictable.

Therefore, expect a slow start with an INTJ. They are romantically awkward and never initiate the first move. They are confident in fields they excel in but not in areas of romance and emotions. You might have to pry them out of their shell a few times but do persevere because they are worth it.

So how do INTJ’s fare with other personality types?

INTJ Dating and Their Compatibility with Other Personality Types

INTJ’s are compatible with other MBTI personality types, but which ones?

Most compatible

These are the types that INTJ’s feel most comfortable with.

INTJ – Of course, an INTJ will find another INTJ most attractive as they are exactly the same. Sharing identical qualities means they know precisely where they are with each other.

ISTJ – These are practical, responsible and private people. These traits appeal to an INTJ.

INTP – It is the intellectual and socially awkward side that draws the INTJ to this type.

ISFP – Sensitive and nurturing, this type wants to create a caring environment, something the INTJ loves.

Slight Differences

These personality types are the next best thing for INTJs. There may be some little differences but nothing that can’t be worked out.

INFP – These are sensitive souls but might be a little too idealistic for practical INTJ’s.

INFJ – Another type that values intellect, however, their tendency to focus on the past could be off-putting.

ISFJ – This type represents everything an INTJ could wish for. The problem is, because they are very private about their good nature, they often go unnoticed.

ISTP – INTJs will notice this type getting on with tasks and achieving their goals. This might intimidate them at first, but it shouldn’t put them off completely.

Potential Growers

  • ESTP
  • ESTJ
  • ENFP
  • ENTJ

These types will be slow growers and there might not be an initial attraction. Give it time and there could be potential.

ESTP – The INTJ will marvel at how easy this type appears to solve problems. They will be attracted to their unconventional lifestyle but not feel brave enough to follow it.

ESTJ – A traditional type that values loyalty, which the INTJ will definitely approve of. They could be put off by the ESTJ’s outgoing personality.

ENFP – Everyone is drawn to the type, they are the life and soul of the party! INTJ’s are no less smitten. If they can see past the extrovert exterior, they’ll find a caring person.

ENTJ – Most INTJ’s will rail against the way this type takes charge as they are fiercely independent. Their logical nature might win them over, however.

Complete Opposites

  • ESFP
  • ESFJ
  • ENTP
  • ENFJ

ESFP – This is an INTJ’s worse nightmare. The ESFP loves being spontaneous, likes surprises, being sociable, everything the INTJ hates.

ESFJ – This type is simply too tiring as they like to be on the go all the time. They will wear out an INTJ in no time.

ENTP – INTJs will enjoy the challenges this type presents. However, their enthusiasm will soon drain them.

ENFJ – This type will charm the hardest of INTJs, but in the end, their constant need for contact with others will prove to be too much.

How much do you agree with this assessment of INTJ dating? Let us know!



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This Post Has 5 Comments

  1. Gary Hynous

    Hello Janey D. Interesting way to assess personality types but very complicated. I prefer ectomorph, endomorph, mesomorph for body type and introvert or extrovert for personality type. Everything is so complicated these days. I even saw a web site instructing me on how to peel a banana! To much information. Fortunately I found my soulmate over 3 decades ago so I guess our various in’s are in line mostly as a result of emotion, conversation and all the various qualities it takes to make a marriage work for many, many years!. Thanks for this blog.

  2. Tessa Brantley

    Gary Hynous –
    It is actually the Meyers Briggs Personality Typing that has been around for decades. It is based upon Dr. Carl Jung’s four archetypes, and really not all that complicated once you understand how each of the sixteen are, and how they differ from one another.
    Their assessment is so accurate, in fact, that many employers, especially in larger major corporations, give their potential candidates this test, forming their decision of whether or not they are well suited for the position and the company by how they assess.
    Jane wasn’t giving a way of assessing potential candidates for each personality type. She was, instead, addressing just one of them. If I were guessing WHY, I would guess that it is likely because INTJ, especially INTJ women, are very rare, which makes them all the more difficult to understand. We are often presumably perceived as unfeeling robots, and mistakenly assumed as narcissistic sociopaths because we do not act on or react to our feelings with emotions.

  3. Tessa Brantley

    As an INTJ female, I concur.
    THANK YOU Jamey for that very accurate assessment, and those most helpful suggestions of the other fifteen types.

    I wouldn’t go so far as to say that “it is lonely at the top”, as I’ve read us described. Speaking for myself, I can’t say that I have ever felt lonely being alone. Quite the contrary, in fact, I’ve rather loved those times. So much so that, when I was married, and having children, I used to literally daydream of being alone, living by myself, reminiscing the past of when I was. Not that I would ever trade my children for that…the ex husband, yes, but not my children. LOL. But, that was only because I never ever had, nor was afforded a second of time to myself, except after everyone had gone to sleep. Then, I would have to sacrifice sleep just to have time to have me time and to have my own thoughts, while never having the opportunity to defrag all that I had taken in. For years I felt like I was on system overload.

    I wish that I had looked back on what I tested as back in twenties much sooner. I’d have made some much different, more logical choices, after having my children, rather than listening to other people who didn’t understand me worse than I didn’t.

    I have found that, at least with friendships, obviously the extroverts are a good balance to bring us out. Having attempted with the ones that you pointed out as being unlikely to work, I would have to whole heartly agree. And, I would further advise other INTJ’s to listen to and go with what is their initial gut instinct, and to not attempt trying going against their own grain. It will only prove to be futile.

  4. Nach

    The only type that are relevant as friendship/pairings to me (a female) are INTJ, INTP and ISFP: ISTJs are just *ugh*.
    And even then, it depends on if you want to have children or not. A lot of INTJs who don’t really want children stick to xNFPs, a lot of INTJs who want children prefer SPs.

    Personally, I think that a lot of this theorising is worth zilch in the long run because INTJs can make ANY sacrifice to arrive where they need to be; even if that means befriending an ESTJ, dating an ISTP or partying with an ENFP. All in all, people are ALWAYS a mean to an end, until INTJs find the person who is the end-point for them.Some believe they have done so early, until they realise they haven’t and divorce, etc. Some do so much later in life, after decades of mishandling people.

    -From a 34-year-old INTJ woman.

  5. Kelly

    I don’t agree with this at all, I’m an infj and I focus on the future.

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